Friday Thoughts

I am very glad that today is Friday. I’m doing my happy Friday dance and everything. This week has been emotionally draining, but it is over now, and I survived it and I’m better for it.  I had a startling thought last night while I was doing the dishes, maybe I’m having to wait so long for Emily because there is something I need to do or learn that will make me a better Mom for her. Its an exciting possibility. In the next 8 months I’m going to be on the look out for learning opportunities. If I look at it like that, it makes me look forward to the wait, to see what is in store for ME, rather than dreading the wait which is what I was doing earlier this week.  My Mom tells me often, its not what happens to you, its how you act about what happens to you that matters. So with that in mind, BRING ON THE WAIT!!!

 

In other news, I think I might go yard sale shopping tomorrow morning. It finally feels like springtime here, and I’m anxious to be outside. I might even plant some flowers! And I have a fun birthday party to go to on Sat night, and I’m looking forward to it. I was promised to see grown adults playing on a slip & slide, so I’m definitely bringing a camera. HA HA HA

 

I hope everyone has a great weekend!!

 

 

For What It's Worth

I broke down and called my agency yesterday.  Now that B*tchface has left my agency (you know the chick that SIGHED every time I called?) calling isn’t quite as traumatic. In fact, it was almost pleasant.  Anyway, back to the story.  I called my agency to ask them what they had heard in regards to the 18 month wait between LID and referral. For better or worse, she acted like she didn’t know what I was talking about. She said that right now it was just over 11 months, and she expected it to get to 12 months, but as far as she knew, that is as long as anyone would have to wait. She made a very good point and said that CCAA had been upfront with everyone months ago and said the wait was now 9 to 12 months. If they thought it was going to take longer than that, they would tell everyone and they would have to give a reason.  So. I thought that made sense and it made me feel a bit better.  She also said that if they heard anything about the length of time increasing, she would let us know as soon as they knew.

 

For those of you keeping up, I’m LID Dec 2005. So that means Referral Dec 2006 (8 more months) and Travel Feb 2007 (or March, because I feel like Chinese New Years might get in the way there)  So maybe 12 more months waiting TOTAL.  I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this is what happens.  I guess we will know more as time goes by.  It can always get better than this too, right?!

 

 

My Fun Weekend

My fun weekend started on Sat morning when my friend Sara arrived from PA.  Sara and I lived together with the same crazy host family while we did a semester abroad. Even though we went to separate universities in the states, we got paired up while in Spain. Let me tell you, if it hadn’t been for Sara I would have gone crazy living in Spain. It was a great time, and I have so many good memories of then, and Sara is in almost all of them.   So anytime we visit each other, we always start laughing and doing the remember when game. Remember when we broke into Feli’s closet looking for the phone? Remember when they forgot to tell us about the daylight savings time and we got to school an hour early? Remember when we went to Portugal? (you come, you look, you like, you stay!)   Anyway, we got to have a good time doing that, and I got to introduce her to good friends  Fun Shannon, and Jeff & Jill. I also got to introduce her to my family. (It only took 11 years!!) Everyone loves her as much as I do, so that’s good stuff.

 

Anyway, we didn’t do anything too special, just shopped and ate and hung out together, but it was very relaxing and we had a good time. Next time she comes to visit she is going to bring her beautiful daughter Abby, and that will be fun too!

 

 

 

 

Me and Sara 

Well its official

CCAA had this posted on their website today:

The CCAA has finished the placement of children for the families whose adoption application documents were registered with our office before May 30, 2005.

So, only 5 days of referrals sent out. I was secretly hoping all the rumors would be wrong and CCAA would wow us with an entire month of referrals, but no such luck.

Its ok. I will survive. Emily is coming home one of these days. And I’m not going anywhere until she does!

 

 

18 MONTH WAIT?!?!

I promised to tell you all about my weekend, and I will. It was fabulous and exactly what I needed this weekend.  But I need to get this other stuff off my chest first. So, if you don’t want to hear me whine and cry, just skip this post and come back in a few hours and read the happy weekend re-cap.

 

I belong to the Nov DTC yahoo group.  Now I know that nothing is certain in life but death and taxes, but several people on that group have posted that they’ve gotten emails from their agencies telling them to expect and 18 MONTH wait from LID to referral. That’s right, a year and a half before they even see a picture of their little girl.  I realize that I have only been waiting 3.5 months and it is already killing me. I can NOT imagine what people who were logged in last June or July are going through. It must be torture.   And I seriously can’t imagine living through another 15 months of this waiting and wondering crap. To say I’m down and blue would be an understatement. I’m in shock I think.  And for the first time since I started this, I have the thought in my head, what if I never get Emily?  What if China just stops doing international adoptions? What if I spent the last two years of my life and thousands of dollars for nothing?  I hate admitting this. From the beginning I’ve been like, I’m going to China. My baby is in China.  And now I’m thinking, what if I was wrong? What if all this was some mean game of God’s?  What if I never get to have a baby?    

 

I’m still holding out to hear from my adoption agency before I really let myself believe all this 18 month wait crap.  But given the past few months referrals and how small of batches they have been, it is not an inconceivable idea. I don’t expect to hear anything from my agency until the end of this week or the beginning of next, because they send out bi-weekly updates on the China program, and it won’t be two weeks until then. If I hear something about this, I will certainly share it with everyone. More than likely my agency won’t even mention the wait.  *sigh* I guess I could ask them, but…I already feel like they hate me, why should I add to my depression with an ugly phone call? 

 

OK. I’m going to try and immerse myself in work and think positive thoughts. HA! Ya right!

 

 

 

 

Rumors

I have to stop reading rumors about referral slow downs. They are making me feel physically ill.  If rumors are to be believed (and I’m pretty much flat out refusing to do that) it is conceivable that I won’t get my referral for Emily until January or February.  So, referrals should come out next week, and I’m just going to stick my head in the sand and ignore all the folks saying they will only cover 5 days of logged in dossiers and believe with all my heart that they will actually go through the entire month of June.

 

I like it with my head in the sand. It’s very comfy in here. If anyone wishes to join me, hop on in. There’s plenty of sand for all of us to bury our heads under!!

 

In good news, Sara comes to play with me tomorrow. YAY for the distraction of a best friend!!  I’ll post pictures on Monday. I refuse to look at a computer this weekend!

 

 

 

Why US Air Stinks

I’ve been trying for the last year and a half to accumulate frequent flyer miles for US Air. They have a hub in the city I live in, and it made the most sense at the time. However, it is like IMPOSSIBLE to earn anywhere near enough frequent flyer miles to actually use them unless you are millionaire to start with and you fly every week. I hooked up my number to my bank card, and I signed up for all the extra places to earn more miles if you buy from them on line etc. Today I bought an airline ticket for a friend of mine who is coming to visit me this weekend. (YIPPPEEE!!!)  Even though I paid for the ticket, I found out that I can’t earn frequent flier miles because I myself am not flying. How stupid is that? I go on line, make the reservation, use my US Air card and everything and I can’t earn the miles because my butt isn’t in the seat? I just think that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. At this rate, I might be able to fly to say, Atlanta GA sometime in 2008. What a rip off!  If any of you know some way to circumvent the frequent flier mile system, for the love of God, please clue me in.

 

So the good thing is that my friend Sara is coming to visit this weekend.  Sara and I met when we lived in Spain. We both lived with this crazy woman, Feli. We were supposed to live with a host family, but all we got was this one crazy lady. She kept showing us how to use the trash can. Very, very odd. In any case, Sara and I always have a great time together, so I’m really looking forward to her coming to visit.  I haven’t seen her since June 04, so I’m pretty stoked.  Now if the next two days would just speed by!!

 

 

 

WOW. Look what I did!

I did something today that I honestly thought I would never get to do. I REGISTERED for stuff for Emily. Like real live baby products that a real live baby in my house will need.  Check it out here My Registry . So far I just simple stuff, bedding, changing pad a few odds & ends.  Since I still have no idea how old she’ll be, it seems silly to go do a full out registry at this point.  So, this is just some of the fun stuff. A tiny beginning if you will. And the best thing? The ladybug bedding I (with your help of course) picked out, is now ON SALE! I love those magic words!!  I’m sure as time goes on, I will be adding stuff to this, but it was really fun to start today. This is definitely a real step, something you do when you know a baby is going to come home with you one day. Fun!!

 

 

 

 

Peking Acrobats

Yesterday I had the immense pleasure of seeing the Peking Acrobats live in Charlotte, NC. This troupe of acrobats do AMAZING things including, rope climbing, lion dances, juggling, tumbling and this totally cool climbing chairs trick. The whole troupe of them is incredibly strong, incredibly bendy, and pretty funny performers. The music was fabulous, the costumes were stunning and I literally gasped more than once and some of the tricks that they did, because I was sure they were going to crash and break their necks. It was fabulous and I highly recommend going to see them if they come to a town anywhere near where you are. It was absolutely worth the ticket price. 

            The best part about going to see this was that I was invited by a new friend from my Single Mom’s group. I got to tag along with her and her precious daughter Maggie, who is 5. Maggie’s comments throughout the show were hysterical. At one point she turned to me and whispered NO WAY! I thought I was going to pee on myself!!!   Then about 45 of our local FCC group who had also seen the show got together at a local Chinese restaurant. The food was good, but I think we overwhelmed the staff a bit, because the service wasn’t so great.  Even though they were warned that many of us were going to descend upon them, I don’t think they fully grasped how many people that really was. Anyway, I’m so glad that I went, not only for the show, but for the chance to meet with more families who have gone through this adoption process and survived. I think one of the things that really amaze me about this adoption is how open and caring other people are. The group of people in my FCC and Single Mom’s Group have just been inspiring. They all have reached out to me, not really knowing me, or who I am, but just reached out anyway, saying you are one of us, and we’re here for you. It revitalizes my faith in humanity.  I really am not a people person, I get anxious in big groups, even if I know almost everyone in the room.  So for these folks to make me feel not only welcome, but comfortable, it’s huge. Really, really huge.  I’m so glad I decided to join stuff now, while I’m still waiting. 

 

Anyway, that’s it from me.  Hope you’re weekends went well!!

 

He looks like he's been hitting the green beer already, no?!  

Letter to the Editor

My agency, while not my favorite group of people on the planet, has really stepped up this week and kept in touch with us regarding the now infamous Washington Post article by Peter Goodman on abducting/stealing infants and then selling them to orphanages to be adopted.   They sent an email this morning with the JCIS official response to the article. You can read it here.  I thought the response was great, and coupled with the article that came out confirming no babies adopted in the US were actually stolen, makes me feel a lot better about the whole thing.    Its definitely given me things to think about this week, the good, the bad, and the ugly. We live in an ugly world, which occasionally has beautiful miraculous moments. I wish it was the other way around. *sigh*   I really can’t wait to meet God. He/She better have some good explanations for things. Cause I got a LOT of questions!!

 

 

 

Rumor Monger

I have become a China Adoption Rumor Whore. (Henceforth referred to as CARW)  It is sad. I don’t just read about everyone’s lives anymore through their blogs. I stalk people now. I’m pathetic. If I hear so much as a whisper of time frames, I instantly whip out my handy dandy spreadsheet that I made up, much like Mary Mia's.  Only mine is about my agency, not hers.  I stalk sites like, In Search of Rumors and the CCAA, not just daily, but like 2 or 3 times a day. I have a sickness people!! I need a pill, or a vaccine!  Or a good kick in my butt! I can hardly focus at work anymore. I start crying watching commercials about baby products; I broke down at dinner the other night with my friend, because I read somewhere that referrals might now be taking 16 months. SIXTEEN.   It just feels like I’ve waited so long already. As it is, I have just accepted the fact that I won’t get to China until Jan 2007. (My agency is saying to expect referrals in Nov, travel 8 weeks after that….for those of you like me who have become CARW like me, I was LID Dec 8)   I hate this how I go back and forth with how I’m handling the wait. I change my mind about how I feel more often than I change my socks. It’s ridiculous. It’s not even day to day anymore. I’m down to hour by hour how am I handling this?  For instance, I woke up this morning fine. Now, this afternoon, I’m freaking out that it is taking this long! By tonight, who knows how I’ll feel?? 

 

Someone smack some sense into me, please. Better yet, smack me hard enough that I fall into a coma for a good 4 months. It will make the wait go by faster.   Meanwhile, I’m off to find some comfort food. Where is a grill cheese sandwich when you need it?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Me & Colin all dressed in our Irish Green!! Happy St. Patrick's Day!  

What does this say?

Update News

ÃñÕþ²¿ÕÙ¿ªÐÂÎÅ·¢²¼»á 2006-03-13 ÌØÊâµÄ¡°Èý¡¢°Ë¡±½Ú 2006-03-13 ½ӱÖ÷ÈÎÔÚµÚÒ»ÆÚ¡°²Ð¼²¶ùͯ¿µ¸´Åàѵ°à¡±ÉϵĽ²»° 2006-03-10 È«¹úÉç»á¸£Àû»ú¹¹²Ð¼²¶ùͯ Êõºó¿µ¸´Åàѵ°à˳Àû¾Ù°ì 2006-03-10 A Small-Scaled Professional Adoption Conference Held at th... 2006-02-27

 

 

The above mess is what I see when I look at the CCAA website. Its under the Update News section right in the middle. Its weird because some of the stuff is translated to actual letters in English and they make sense, and then the rest looks like this gobledeegook.  Does anyone actually see what these things say in English, or does it look the same to all of us? 

One Year Later

It is hard to believe, but one year ago my entire life changed with a phone call. I remember I was at work, and I was having a really bad day; one of those days where it seems like you are just surrounded by stupid people who have made it their mission in life to make you crazy. Do you know what I’m talking about? I was emailing my friend Sara and venting, and my phone rang. I picked it up and it was Sandy from Adoptions Together. She wanted to know if I was still interested in adopting from China. I hadn’t spoke with her since October or November, so it had been a few months. I figured she was updating her single waiting list, so I said absolutely I’m still interested.  I signed up and called so many adoption agencies trying to find a spot for a single gal that I had forgotten how many people I had called. I had gotten to the point where I knew I was going to do it, I just thought it was going to take 2 or 3 years.  What Sandy said next changed all that. She said they had a spot open for a single girl THIS YEAR. Like right now, I could start paper chasing.  I promptly started to sob. All I kept saying was, I’m going to be a Mommy! I’m going to be a Mommy!!  When I got off the phone, I called my Mom, who proclaimed that she knew it wasn’t going to take 3 years!!  Then I had to go, and call my sister and my dad and pretty much everyone I knew. And then I had to run around my entire office, red faced, jumping up and down to tell all my friends.  

And then I started this blog. I wanted to write down everything. I want Emily to know that long before she was a glimmer in her birth mom’s eyes, she was in my heart and making me jump for joy. I want her to be able to look at this and know that every single second of her life someone was out there sending her love and wishing for her to be happy and well looked after.  I know that she is going to have a lot of questions about her early life, and I won’t be able to give her many answers. But I will be able to say, well I don’t know what you were doing, but I know that I was waiting for you and wishing for you and hoping we would be together soon.

This last year I have gone through so many things. I did all my paperwork, I started looking at baby clothes, toys, diapers. I know I still have a good bit longer to wait, but I’m 100% positive that I’m doing the right thing. That my baby is in China and I’m going to get her. And I can’t wait!!!

Only 7 months left!!

So today I’m officially logged in 3 months. This is good news.  These 3 months have gone by pretty quickly, and I’m sure the next few will go by just as quickly. It has really helped that I have filled up my calendar with “Things To Do!”  My swaps are going well, the life book group is coming along, and my Single Mom’s group meets again this Friday.  All that stuff, along with my regular life seems to be sucking up a lot of my time. (in a good way!)  On the flip side, I’m starting to feel a bit of panic coming in, that I only have about 7 months unitl I see Miss Emily’s face!! I know, I know, you are thinking, this chick is never happy!! LOL  But seriously, I’m actually paper pregnant now like an actual pregnant person, rather than an elephant with a 22 month gestation period!!  So its time to shake a tail feather and get going on cleaning up and organizing Emily’s room.   Wish me luck!!

 

 

Birthday?

I’ve been spending some time the last few weeks wondering if my Emily has been born yet. Where is she right now? Is she safe inside her birth Mom’s belly, or is she outside right this second waiting to be found? Maybe she has already been found, and is now in a SWI somewhere in China. I hope she is ok. I hope someone picks her up and gives her a little hug today. I hope she feels that I’m thinking about her, and hoping she is being taken care of. I hope in her little heart she knows that I’m coming to get her. It such a weird feeling wondering if your child has been born yet. So many unanswered questions for me right now. And I won’t know the answers for a long time, if ever. I’m not sure how I’m going to live with all that unknowingness. I don’t know how Emily will live with it either. It seems such a lot for small shoulders.  So, today, I’m just thinking about my baby and hope she is ok.

 

 

 

Even Better

From my agency:

I just got your log in date today.  12/8/05.

 

Can you say WOOO HOOOO?!?!?!

 

 

Logged In for almost 3 months

Well I found out some good news (perhaps) today. I got an email from my agency that says once again, they will not be getting official Log In Dates from CCAA anymore. I, personally, refuse to believe that CCAA is not issuing LIDs, so I don’t know why my agency is saying this. I haven’t heard this from anyone else out there in bloggy land, or the yahoo groups, so…I’m not sure what the deal is. (if anyone else can confirm that CCAA is not in fact using LIDs anymore, I’d love to hear from you!)   

  ANYWAY, when I was DTC 11/30, my agency said to add on 30 days to guesstimate my LID. They are telling people now that the best guess is 7-10 days after DTC.  So, with that in mind, instead of being logged in Dec 30, I think it’s probably more accurate that I was logged in around Dec 10-16. (allowing for a little longer, but not 30 days longer)  Since they keep splitting up months to hand out referrals, I’m particularly happy to think I might be in the beginning of the month batch!!  All in all, I have definitely been logged in 2 full months, and quite possibly almost 3 whole months. WOO HOO.  This waiting process is darn near killing me, so I’m taking any tiny possible delight I can at this point. J 

Other than that, there is not too much to report. I’m considering becoming a Party Lite consultant. (they sell candles and accessories) I’m going to an informational tomorrow morning in regards to that. We’ll see. I’m not a very pushy person, so I’m not really sure this is something I would enjoy. However, I really would like to earn a few more bucks for the adoption fund. So if this doesn’t work out, I’m going to find a part time job at babies r us or something. Might as well get a discount, right?

            Hope everyone has a good Friday and a fun filled weekend. Later y’all!

 

 

 

 

 

Welcome Home Olivia!

Yesterday was a GREAT day. I got to meet Miss Olivia for the first time yesterday at the airport.  It was a very special moment, and I can’t express how happy I was to see Susan & Will with their Olivia at last. It was literally like watching a dream come true.  And seeing Susan’s mom and Will’s whole family meet her for the first time, it was just an amazing experience.  You should scoot on over to their site to see the pictures, and wish them congratulations. Olivia is just as beautiful in person as she is in those pictures, and really seems like a very happy kid. You can tell that she already knows Susan and Will are her Mommy & Daddy. She was showing off her squeaky shoes to all of us, and generally seemed to be in great shape, especially considering her long, long flight to get home. For myself, I  was thrilled to be a part of her welcome home, and I continue wishing both Susan & Will much happiness and joy with Olivia in the many, many years to come!

 

 

 

 

Welcome Home Olivia!!  

Welcome Home Olivia

Well, I’m off to the airport to welcome home miss Olivia of Susan & Will fame.  That kid is so cute in the pictures, I can’t wait to see her in person.  What a happy day for Susan & Will. I’m so excited to have even a teeny part in it.  I’m bringing a camera, so if I get Susan’s ok, I’ll post pictures up later. 

 

Hope everyone has a great afternoon!!

 

The secret surprise I got from Amy & Ruby Cate! Don't you just LUV the duckies?