Crazy about Emily!: March 2008

Emily and her Big Girl Shoes

Emily looks so concerned here. But she does love her Big Girl Shoes!!

Adoption Stuff(mostly)

Tony now has the crud as well. He is actually home sick today the poor guy. At least I had the decency to get sick on a Sunday! We are pretty pathetic. My voice is just about gone, but I really do feel much better than I did yesterday. So that is a good sign. Hopefully it will be short lived for T as well.

In other news, I was going through a bunch of paperwork that I got in China. Our guide sort of just handed me a ton of stuff and said for you and left. (ya, he was that good) I took a brief look and they all seemed to be copies of the official records of Emily’s placement with me, so I didn’t really pursue it. At the time, I was pretty darn busy and it didn’t seem overly important. Well last night I really went through them. Some of them are paperwork saying that they tried to find her natural parents and they couldn’t and that she was “officially” and abandoned baby and eligible for adoption. It made me really sad to read that. It makes me sad to know that one day, Emily will read these and it will hurt her. I don’t want her to be sad ever. I know it is part of the deal, she WAS abandoned, and there isn’t anything I can do about it. But it made me cry nonetheless. Hopefully, when the time comes, I can explain enough to her that she can be sad but move on. I don’t really know how that will work. I guess we will figure it out together. Tony says well it will be ok because she’ll be happy she has us. I don’t know if it works that way. I don’t think one happiness can erase another sadness. You can be sad and happy at the same time. At least I can. I would think that it’s like (and this is a very simplistic comparison) losing a pet. You can be sad that your dog died for a long time and get a new puppy and be happy about the new puppy AND sad about your dead dog too. Right? One doesn’t cross the other out.

The other BIG news is that in going through all the paperwork I found a copy of Emily’s finding ad! I was completely totally in shock. You would think my stupid guide would have said “hey! Here! look at this!” But he didn’t. He DID translate it for us, so that is very cool. It looks like the picture they printed of her she was only a couple of days old. Emily’s birth date is Feb 26^th, the ad was printed on March 2. So at most she is 3 days, but I bet it was taken the day they found her. It looks just like her though! I can totally tell it’s my Emily. Her eyes are closed up still, like a newborn and she had a TON of hair. Way more hair than she had when we picked her up (of course, they had shaved her head by then) It is amazing to look at. I can’t believe I missed it before. It was such an unexpected gift last night. I’m so so glad that I have this bit to share with her one day.

So that’s my adoption news for today. I’m putting together a bunch of Emily’s stuff to put in a savings box. (like at a bank) I don’t want anything to happen to these important pieces of her history. And let’s face it, I lose stuff. I don’t mean to, but I do. So it’s better off that I put it someplace really safe. Like Fort Knox. LOL!

Monday Monday

The good news is that Emily is no longer a snot factory. The bad news is that now I am!! I have a yucky cold, runny nose, sore throat, achy. It could be just really bad allergies, but I think that it’s an official cold. I’m drinking fluids like crazy and I spent most of yesterday resting. We didn’t even go to church yesterday, I felt so cruddy. I’m SOOO glad that we got Emily all dressed up on Sat. All 3 of us just hung out at home yesterday, taking it easy and taking naps. Tony made us a pizza for dinner, which was delicious and then we gave Em a bath and I went to bed. I’m living la vida loca, right?

Here's the wonderful Miss Em in her pretty Easter dress!

ya, this was the best we got of her with the Easter Bunny. She wasn't real happy with the idea of a guy dressed like a giant rabbit. LOL

ugh

I just re-read my last post. I sound like a bitter miserable cow. There are lots of good things happening right now, I’m just having a hard time keeping them in the forefront of my thoughts. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Or even later today! See, I can be hopeful. (if I really really try!)

Ok

Thanks for all the advise on getting married abroad. I really never thought about the paperwork bit of it all. Frankly, I’m freaking DONE with paperwork. I’ve done more in my life than should reasonably be expected of a person. Maybe a stork will magically fly over our house one day and drop off a fully functional 8 month old. Other than that, I’m over it. Maybe in a few years I’ll feel differently, but for now, I’m just glad we have Emily.

I think (but am not 100% sure yet) that we are going to end doing the big ~~ass~~ church wedding, despite my disgust at planning. T really wants a big party, and I really love him, so I think that’s what we are going to do. Mostly, I wouldn’t mind attending a big church wedding, I just don’t want to negotiate any of it. I just want to show up and get married. That, apparently, is just not going to happen. If we are going to have a big wedding, then I am going to be the one stuck doing the planning. *sigh I also don’t see any way at all to make this wedding be like 25 people only, which is ideally what I would like. It’s either, run off somewhere and elope, or have 100 people to a sit down dinner. I hate people. I hate small talk. I hate people looking at me. The last thing I want to do is have 100 people eating food I’m paying for and secretly thinking that I look like a fat cow in a tutu. But, that is what is going to happen, so I might as well embrace it. Just call me Bridezilla.

Work continues to suck. I actually made one of my passwords here WorkStinks1. It makes me feel a tiny bit better every time I type it in, which given the ridiculous constraints of our computer system is roughly 8 times a day. Heh.

Emily is fine. She has yet another cold. Tony has decided to call her Snot Factory, which I find so charming, I don’t know why they don’t put it on baby shirts and pillows. I prefer to call her by her her native american name “Emily Two Socks”. Emily refuses to leave socks on her feet. She insists on taking them off and carrying them around in her hands. Or Emily Bemily which is just fun to say. Or Baby GI-IRL, which makes her smile. We need to buy a video camera, because Emily has a super laugh and I want to capture it forever. If anyone wants to send me $300 so I can get one, please email me and I’ll send you my address. :-Þ

Why?

Deb said...

If you ever want to adopt again, don't get married outside of the US.

Best wishes to you whatever you decide.

Love to you,
Deb AKA Momma Bug

Why can’t we get married in the Bahamas (or wherever) AND adopt again? What difference does it make where we get married?

YAY A Family!!

Everyone go over and say CONGRATS to WENDY who met her precious daughter, Catherine, today (or yesterday, or tomorrow? I get confused with the China time) Catherine was Emily’s crib mate in Fengdu, so we are all especially happy over here today, knowing that she is getting a great family to love her forever! YAY!!

Weddings

Has anyone actually been married in Vegas? Or, like the Bahamas? I’m just interested in how it all works. Do you still have to plan everything, or do you just pay a fee and show up with a dress and a man?

Work sucks. Every time I think I’m coming to peace with things, there is yet another stupid con-call where they say something insulting and ridiculous. I’m starting to not want to answer the phone anymore. *sigh* It’s a shame really.

Tomorrow we are going up to Mom’s house. She’s having a St. Patrick’s Day party. Emily will all be dressed up in her green! It will be lots of fun, I’m looking forward to it, and to getting away for a little while. I need a break. And a green beer wouldn’t go amiss either!

This makes me sick!

Have you read THIS yet today? A woman threw her 2 sons off an overpass into oncoming rush hour traffic, and then jumped off herself. WHAT THE HELL?!?!

I can not wait to get to heaven so I can grill God about this kind of crap. Man it makes me sick to my stomach and furious at the same time.

stuff

I couldn’t think of a cute title today. Oh well.

First, work still stinks. But I’m applying for jobs like crazy and I’ve decided just not to worry about it this week. I can worry later. As it is, I’m still employed, so no use in borrowing trouble right now.

Secondly, Tony and I went to a SPAFA meeting last night. This is an organization for local adoptive families (not just families with children from China). I really like the SPAFA folks. They are nice and they actually DO stuff, just about every month. My local FCC sucks. They only do Chinese New Year and autumn festival. AND you have to pay just to see what their damn calendar is. I think that’s retarded. But I’m side tracking myself. We went to the SPAFA meeting and we got to show off Emily! It was so great. I know that it’s weird to show off your kid, but keep in mind we’ve been going to these meetings for awhile, and we were always the “waiting parents” and then last night we were NEW FAMILIES! It was soo cool! Everyone gasped when I told them how long I had waited. I felt like I won some sort of medal. Hee hee

The meeting last night was about domestic adoption. I’d love to get Emily a brother or sister (in a year or two) but I’m not going back to China. That was so hard to wait that long, and have everything be so unpredictable. It makes me really mad just thinking about, because I KNOW there are babies in China that need homes. Stupid governments. Whatever, that is another rant for another day. But this family got up and they just adopted triplets from the US. (I know, WOAH right?!) And they were telling us all that the birth parents were married and had a child already and just couldn’t take care of triplets. Which is totally understandable. So the birth family picks this family and they go to pick up the kids. Now get this. The birth father holds off on signing the paperwork because he wants the adoptive couple to buy them a wide screen TV as a “gift”. He holds off for TWO WEEKS while these people are taking care of the kids, I’m guessing in a hotel because it was out of state, and basically tortures them saying, well, we are having a re-think, but if you got us the TV, we’d sign today. They of course didn’t buy them the TV. And then they signed the paperwork anyways. But I don’t understand people like this. He is bargaining HIS CHILDREN FOR A TELEVISION!! I don’t understand why they don’t force a vasectomy on the guy. I mean seriously. If you would think that making children for TVs is OK, then you have no business having babies. It makes me sooo angry. You should have to have a license to have a baby. Period.

Anyways, we had to leave the meeting early, because Emily decided it was time for bed and she was very angry that we were not putting her to bed. RIGHT NOW LADY! I’m glad we went, but I’m not sure after hearing this horror story that I would ever really think about adopting in the US either. Sheesh. I’m glad I’m at the end of this bit, and not just starting out. Doesn’t seem like there are a lot of really good choices left to folks anymore. It makes me sad. They make this so un-necessarily complicated. And yet, there are still orphans.

So nice

You guys are so nice to me. Your comments were so thoughtful. It made me tear up a little bit to know how many people sent me good wishes this week.

I’m still not real happy with the work situation. I work for a very large non profit company. My job isn’t going overseas, it’s just going away, they can’t afford 8 people when 3 would do. People don’t donate as much as they used, what with paying $3+ for gas and everyone losing their homes and junk, charitable donations have taken quite a back seat. I totally understand that. What with paying for an adoption, I have not donated myself too much the last few years. (which makes me a little ashamed to tell the truth) But then, I always counted my salary as a charitable donation cause it’s not like they are paying me the big bucks. But I digress (ooh a, CK reference for my Tiara Girls!)

Part of me wants to tell my job to kiss my big white ass as I walk out the door. The other part realizes how I’ll NEVER be able to really do that. But man, it’s become a crystal clear fantasy of mine!! It’s very hard to work at all. For the record, they still haven’t figured out who my HR person is. It’s been a week. No wonder I’m still in a pissed off mood! I’m really REALLY glad today is Friday. Only a few more hours and I can escape for a whole 2 days. I have started applying to other jobs, I’ve done 5 or 6 now, both internal and external to the company. I’d like to take tomorrow off, and then maybe apply to some new ones on Sunday. I guess that’s my plan for now.

Emily is doing fine. She has a yucky cold and a very pitiful cough, especially when she lies down. She was home from school on Wed with Tony (yay for Daddy!) but she went back yesterday. We brought her to the doc and they said she didn’t have the flu or ear infections so that was a relief. She seems fine, playing like a champ and no more fever. We’ve taught her the sign language for “more” Usually she uses it in reference to Cheerios. Like give me MORE of those lady! But she used it at the doctor’s office, while we were in the waiting room, I was dipping her upside down, and she was laughing and every time she sat upright she went “more” so I did it again! That was pretty super cool in my book! She is such fun right now. So smart and funny. It certainly makes me feel better just to hang out with her. I stop worrying quite so much about everything else. Even when she’s sick, I’d rather be with her than anywhere else. Isn’t that great?

It Could be Worse

I found on CNN.com today a list of “weird jobs”

It could be worse, I could be this guy

5. Flatulence smell-reduction underwear maker

What they do: Create underwear that protect against bad human gas for people who suffer from gastrointestinal problems. The underwear is made with various materials and filters to help remedy hydrogen sulfide gases, the main offender in foul smells.

VENTING

This post will have nothing to do with Emily, and is merely just me needing to vent, so if you want Emily stuff, come back tomorrow.

This past Friday I got “restructured” at work. Basically, I’m getting laid off come June. I can not tell you how upset I am about this. I’m really REALLY angry because they are taking my job and farming it out to people who have none of the knowledge or expertise that I have and who frankly don’t want it to start with. I’m angry that they laid me off OVER THE PHONE, especially since I’ve been with this company for 7 years and then to top it all off, I have questions that would normally be directed to an HR type person, but they can’t seem to figure out who my HR person actually is!! (it’s a very big company) So I’ve spent the last 3 days calling not 1 or 2 people but FIVE PEOPLE and every single call ends with that person going oh, I don’t handle that, you need to talk to so and so. I’m losing it. I was up from like 145 to 330 last night just mulling it all over and telling people off in my head. I hate it when I do that. One, I really enjoy sleeping, so I hate missing any of my allotted time. And two, it just makes me worry more and be upset more than I was before I started all that. grrrrrrrrr!

In trying to find the silver lining, I am employed until June (the date seems to be in question though I’ve heard the 1^st and I’ve heard the 30^th so who knows?) And then I would be entitled to severance and after that unemployment. Of course, I prefer not to be unemployed and I prefer to have medical insurance for me and Emily (cause lord knows I use it!) but worst worst worst case, I would have some money coming in for the rest of the year. Also, I could see if there are other jobs within my organization that are available to me. Then I wouldn’t lose any of my benefits or junk.

THIS SUCKS! I need to get past this angry phase and get into a calmer place so I can be rational about all the options available to me. But right now, I’m just really pissed off. Maybe in a day or two I’ll be back to me. Keep your fingers crossed and if you don’t mind sending me some “stay cool” vibes, I’d appreciate them.

My new favorite photo of us!

In the tub. I know, it has nothing to do with birthdays, but still, she's so cute, I had to post it!

Cake days are FUN!

And I love, love, love making a mess!!

Emily's second 1st Birthday Cake. I know, I know, but this was on her actual birthday and it was just me, Tony and her. Unfortunately, T and I were both sick, so only Em ate cake. (again)