The Best Aunt

My sister rocks.  She is going to be a terrific Aunt to Emily, I can tell already. Just like she is a super Mommy to Colin, (the sumo wrestler).   Thanks for cheering me up today!!!!

 

 

Sigh

The CCAA has finished the review of the adoption application documents registered with our office before September 30, 2005.

The CCAA has finished the placement of children for the families whose adoption application documents were registered with our office before June 6, 2005.

 

So it took a whole month to do May 31 – June 6.   OK. Well, now we know. One more month down.

I feel like the little engine that could going up the mountain. “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!”

 

For those of you logged in last June, July or August you have 100% of my sympathy. I send you all a virtual hug.  Hang in there.

6 Weird Things About Me

OK OK, I’ve been tagged!! I think I’ve done this one before, but I couldn’t remember when so I’m doing it again. I wonder if I will put the same 6 weird things???

 

1)     I do not like potatoes. I am Irish and I don’t like spuds. I think they feel weird. It is a texture thing. Deal with it.

2)     For the same reason rice pudding or tapioca pudding makes me want to gag. Pudding should be smooth and creamy, not filled with lumps. It makes me think of bugs and that’s icky.

3)     I walk like a duck, ie my feet stick out.  As a result of this and my natural clumsiness I have broken every toe on both feet but the big ones, some of them more than once.

4)     I get song “headaches” where the lyrics of a song get stuck in my head. I had “you are so beautiful” stuck in my head my entire freshman year of college. I think switched to “that’s amore!” for the remainder of college. When I was about 23 I got “fa la la la, la la la la” from Deck the Halls stuck in my head. Its still there. I’m 31 now. If I could have that part of my brain amputated, I would.

5)     I have to sleep with about 4 or 5 blankets on me, even in the summer. I have to be buried under them to fall asleep. Now, I’ll kick them all off when I get hot, but I have to have them to start with.

6)     I have a fear of waking up with a cockroach in my ear because I saw that stupid movie with Claire Danes in the Thailand prison where her friend had one in her ear.  I have NEVER seen a cockroach in my house, but every time my ear hurts that is the first thing I think. I’m getting the heebee geebees just thinking about it.

 

 

So that’s it. I’m weird, officially.

 

 

My nephew, the Sumo Wrestler in training!! HA HA HA  

So Sad

I’ve fallen off the once a day rumor diet wagon. I’m not quite back to stalking, but I have looked at it twice today, and its only 2pm.  I need a patch, or a government program or something.  I need to start RA (Rumors Anonymous) support groups!! I need accountability! I need to actually do work today people!!

 

Someone, anyone, please tell me how to get over this! I want to know when Emily is coming home! I want to make plans! I want to work on her nursery and not feel like I’m a dope because who knows when I’m actually going to become a mom!?!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!  Maybe I should cut off my internet access. No internet means no rumors.  That sounds so drastic though….

 

 

OK I’m off to find some candy. Or some adult beverages. Perhaps both. A chocolate martini sounds like a delightful combo, no?

 

 

 

 

Big Shout Out

Hello DAN and SUSAN in New Hampshire!!!  I had no idea that you were avid readers until last night when I spoke with Erica. So I thought I would give a big shout out to folks who have known me since I was 13! Hello up there!  I hope you guys are doing great and enjoying being grandparents!   

 

I like this shout out thing. I’ll have to think of who else I want to make famous on the World Wide Web!  (I think the power is going to my head!!)

 

 

Gotta Love the Dr. Phil

If you don’t go over and see Colleen's Blog today you will be missing out on key advice from Dr. Phil on how to survive the adoption wait.  For once, I totally agree with Dr. Phil. HA HA HA HA  I can’t wait to get home and put this into practice. I’m starting to feel the inner peace already.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Candles Anyone

I know I mentioned it before, but I thought I would throw it out there again. I’m becoming a Party Lite consultant to help fund my adoption. If you are not familiar with Party Lite, you are totally missing out, because they are the BEST candles you will ever buy. They smell fabulous and they burn all the way down to little wick ring. Totally worth the money.   So, if you have any interest in buying some candles, you can check the catalog out here: Candle Party  Once you enter the password, (ELX4) click on PartyLite Products (at the top).  From there, you can view the catalog.  You can’t place an order on line, but you can tell me if there is something you want, and I can order it for you, and ship it to you.  It sounds confusing, but it is totally doable.  Just leave me a comment, or email me and we’ll work something out, no problem! 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks!

You guys rock. Thanks for all your understanding and support. It helps.

 

I had a very relaxing Easter weekend. I went and spent time with my family and my little nephew kept us all smiling and entertained. He is such a ham!  It helped to be away for a bit. Now back to work. I’m still on my once a day rumor diet, and I think I’m going to try and keep it that way. With rumor free weekends. It will keep me sane longer. LOL

 

Thanks again guys. I love my bloggy friends!!

 

 

Have I checked out?

I’m starting to feel a bit like I’ve checked out of the adoption. The wait is too long. It doesn’t even feel real anymore. And I know that some people are starting to think that I’m making up that I’m having a baby ever, because I keep telling them that the dates I get her are getting pushed back. I honestly in my heart feel like I won’t be traveling until March of next year. I don’t think I can make it until then. For my mental well being, I have just stopped thinking about Emily as a real honest to goodness baby. It is too hard on me to continually wonder if she has been born yet, if she is doing ok, if her parents are facing tough decisions right now. I’ll have to check into a hospital for kooks if I keep letting these questions run through my head over and over again. And then I feel guilty because I’m not thinking about her all the time!! What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to survive this? What can I tell people about the delays, without having in my head that they secretly think that I’m purposefully postponing this? How long is my life supposed to be in this perpetual limbo?   I feel bad that I’m not getting more ready for her, and then I feel angry that I don’t have a time line, and I feel disappointed that I don’t have my baby yet. I feel too many things.

 

I guess today is a bad adoption wait day. I’ve been eating Tootsie rolls like they are going out of style, and I still don’t feel any better. Some days, every once in awhile, I wish I was married so I could share some of this burden with someone else. Most of the time, I love my single life. But today it would be nice to have a shoulder to cry on.

I want to go home, crawl into bed and stay there.  Or run away. Now I feel like maybe I’ll be a bad Mom since I can’t handle all this by myself.   WAH!

 

Random Things

A lot of my mind, so here is a few things

·        I got my taxes done yesterday. For the first time, I owe money to the federal gov’t. Luckily, I’m getting a refund from the state (and no, I haven’t figured that out either) So, I end up with a whopping $59.00 refund total.  Also for the first time, my taxes were done by someone younger than me. At least 6 years younger. It made me feel old and unbelieving that some 23 yr old could actually do my taxes correctly. So I chatted him up. He seemed to know what he was talking about, so I was gaining confidence in him until he went to run my debit card through the machine to charge me. He couldn’t run the machine. First, he charged me 1.05 then he over charged by like 50.00. All newly gained confidence went right out the window. Then his boss came over and tried to “fix” the problem and he screwed up too, so I just figured they were a bunch of dumb boys. I mean a woman would know how to swipe a credit card. (am I right?)

·        My back still hurts, but it is getting better. I’m glad. I have noticed that I hunch over my keyboard all day long at work, so I’m trying to straighten up. It’s not easy.

·        I only looked at rumor blogs once last night. YAY ME! It helps that her house had a tree fall through it and she isn’t actually posting any new rumors. Yes, she is fine. That was the first thing I wanted to check on too. But still, her computer is in a repair shop, and while I wouldn’t wish anyone insurance nightmares, it is helping my crack addiction to rumors.  (yes, I realize this is extra days in hell for me for even thinking this, much less typing it up for the whole world to see)

·        I went back to Mass this past weekend. After getting called out by Father Joe on Erica's blog (see Church loser part 3 comments) I felt the familiar pangs of guilt and so I went back to church. It was nice. Palm Sunday and all.

·        I went to dinner with my church’s single group last night. Bless their hearts, but they were boring, boring, boring. And they were all boys. You would have thought I would have the time of my life. But it was like watching potatoes turn into French fries, only without the exciting possibilities of hot grease added in. I don’t think I could handle another dinner.  They invited me to this bigger dinner next week with a neighboring diocese. Something about priests coming to talk to you while you eat pizza. It’s called Theology on Tap. Like BEER? I don’t think free flowing beer would make these folks less boring, but I suppose I will think about it for awhile. I suppose I shouldn’t be judging these folks. I mean they were nice. I feel the guilt coming on. *sigh*

·        I bought a dresser for Emily last October from Ikea that I still have not put together. I need someone to volunteer to come over and help me. Any takers?

 

That’s it. Hope y’all are well.

Can't Stop the Crack

I admit it. I looked at rumors yesterday. Only once, and it was at night, so that is an improvement. So sad. I can’t stop the crack that is rumor hunting. Sad, sad, sad.  So, I revised my goal. I’m only allowed to look once a day now. No more stalking.   

 

Aren’t I pitiful?

 

 

 

OWIE

I hurt my back again last Thursday. I’m not exactly sure what I did (if anything) but when I got in the shower and lifted my arms to wash my hair, I felt a pop and then lots of pain. Not fun.  This is the third time since last June that I have had really bad back pain for no apparent reason. I’m still going to see a chiropractor, and he is helping, but it makes me nervous and paranoid that my back can just go out anytime it feels like it for doing nothing. I mean washing my hair isn’t exactly strenuous. Neither was putting away laundry, which is what I was doing when it went out in January.  As a single mom to be, it is really starting to freak me out.  How am I supposed to lift my baby? How will I get anything done if I can’t TURN MY HEAD?  It is not good. And having all this time to think about stuff like this isn’t good either.

 

I am feeling better today. I still ache, but it’s not excruciating the way it was 4 days ago. I celebrated my 4 month LID anniversary this weekend. I went out with my friend Jody and her boyfriend Scott. We had yummy Mexican and many Margaritas. (I didn’t drive Mom) It was big time fun, and Jody and I got very silly remembering fun things from high school.  It was a lot of fun, and I’m so glad Jody lives in the same city as I do now.

 

I’m trying to take a sabbatical from looking at rumors. So, this week I’m swearing off the rumor blog. It has been pointed out to me that I am becoming crazy about this, so I’m going to try and stop. Wish me luck!

 

 

 

What is up with my Agency?

 

Just got this from my agency in regards to referrals:

Group 27 (log in date was 5/16/05) is still waiting for their referrals.  Our Chinese Cordinator is hoping that we will have them in hand by April 10.  These families have been incredibly patient throughout this long wait so keep your fingers crossed for them to hear something soon!

 

Now all of you who are stalking the referral process (like me) know that per CCAA all referrals were given out the first week of March for people who were logged in by May 25. So what the heck? These poor people haven’t gotten them YET?!! Does that mean they didn’t even get them last week, when the other batch of May referrals went out? How is that possible?! Does anyone else have news like this from their agencies? Anything that would say, well yes, the CCAA said they gave out all the May referrals, but they just left us out for some mysterious reason. Anyone?

I’ve made this whole lovely spreadsheet to track LID’s and when they are getting referrals. I have them grouped up the way my agency does it. But, what if for whatever reason, my agency doesn’t get to follow the same basic time line as everyone else? Then I’m just guessing, even more so than I do now. I’m not good at this letting go and not being in control. It’s going to make me nuts. Sure I’ll get a baby at the end, but I’ll be bald and in a straight jacket. Sheesh.

Here is my happy spreadsheet.  Remember, its just for my agency! I’m group 35.   Stuff in RED is just my predictions. Doesn’t mean anything!

 

Update April 10:  I had to remove the spreadsheet because it was screwing up the format of my blog. Besides, you get the point. I’m obsessed with the wait.

If anyone would like me to email the spreadsheet to them, just let me know. Thanks!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daylight Savings???

 

I do not like Daylight Savings Time. It is a silly tradition that some evil person thought up. (yes I know it was Ben Franklin) I used to like Ben, but the older I get the harder these transitions are on me and the more I think the Ben’s brain got fried by that kite with the key.  Waking up this morning at 7 (when REALLy it was 6) was yucky.  Plus, it was raining. I personally think we should put a law into effect that if it is raining Monday morning when you wake up, going to work is optional. When I am President, that is the first thing I’m going to push through Congress.   Anyways, back to my rant, it is going to take me a good week or two to get over getting up so freaking early.  And what exactly am I saving by getting up so darn early? Nothing good happens before 8 am people. Nothing!!

 

For those of you thinking I should go ahead and get used to getting up early, because no doubt I will to do that when Emily gets home, I have one thing to say to you and I can’t print that on my blog, because it isn’t very nice!!!  I am not a morning person and if it kills me I will train Emily to not be a morning person either. LOL

 

Other than this rant, I am in a good mood. My weekend was great and it was very sunny and warm here. I got a pedicure on Sat (Cha-Ching Cherry if you are interested) and I went to party Sat night. They did break out the slip & slide, and I did take pictures. I saw a grown man on a slip n slide (very hairy) at 10 pm on April 1. I kid you not. He went so fast that he did somersaults off the end of it. I was waiting for him to break his neck, but he didn’t. At least not while I was there!!!   Some other brave souls did the slip n slide too, but I’m way too rational for that.  I did get humiliated by an 11 year old while I was singing Happy Birthday to my friend. He loudly asked the group of 20 or so what they thought Simon would have to say about my singing. Simon of American Idol.   Yah. That was fun.  My cheeks are turning red just thinking about it.

 

So that is it for now. It is my crazy week at work this week. Wish me sanity and a co-operative computer system!!