One Year Ago Today

One year ago today my paperwork went to China. Today is the one year anniversary of being DTC (or Dossier To China for you newbies) At the time, I was told the wait had just gotten up to 9 to 12 months, so it could be that I would be traveling over Christmas, but for SURE I would have her picture in the Thanksgiving/Christmas timeframe.  I have to say that it is pretty disappointing to know that this Christmas will once again be without Emily.  What is more disappointing is realizing I probably have another 6 or 7 months of waiting just to see her picture. That instead of traveling in the winter, I’ll be traveling in the summer or possibly the fall. *sigh* It makes me blue when I think like that.

 

On the other hand, it’s been a pretty good year for me. I met Tony, and I think he’s pretty swell. And I got a promotion at work, so that’s good stuff. I’ve saved a good bit of money to pay for the adoption, that’s a good thing. Emily now has more clothes and books then she did this time last year, so I’m getting there.  (I’m really trying to find some silver lining here!) I think it’s harder to know OFFICIALLY it’s been one year.  And unofficially, it’s been two years. I signed up as a single with a bazillion adoption agencies to get on their waiting lists in Nov 2004. It seems like a long time ago. It wasn’t that long ago, but you know what I mean?

 

What I need to do is stop dwelling. So it’s taken this long. Big deal. The point is she will still become part of my family. And 6 or 7 months isn’t really that long to wait. Right?

 

 

 

SEPTEMBER 8th

CCAA has updated their website to say that they have matched children with families logged in through Sept 8, 2005.  Another 13 days closer to my turn.  YAY! Only 3 months of people logged in ahead of me left.

 

I had a dream this morning that I got up, looked on the computer and they had matched through Oct 30. And I was SOOOO excited. Running around going, she’s coming soon, she’s coming soon! It was kind of disappointing to see that the real date wasn’t nearly that far out. But hey, it is good news for a lot of families who will get to see their babies faces for the first time in the next few days. So congrats to all of you! 

 

 

My nephew and brother in law. How cute is this kid? Just looking at this makes me giggle!  

Bad Parenting Abounds

So I was looking at CNN.com today and there is a story on there of a Dad who put his 5 year old son on Craig’s list, FREE TO GOOD HOME. Like his son was a puppy.  Are you FKING kidding me?!  I have to wait 2.5 years for a baby, and this idiot is trying to give his kid away like puppies in a cardboard box on the corner.  Why do stupid people get to reproduce? WHY?  Grrrrrrrrrr!

I WISH I could say that was the worst story of bad parenting today on CNN but it wasn’t.  There was a woman who crammed her 1 month old into a microwave and zapped her. Now the baby is dead. What on earth happens to you that things get so bad that you even CONTEMPLATE putting your baby in a microwave?   I know I’m not a parent yet, but do things really REALLY get so bad that you think of things like that?   There are sooooo many people out there that would give there left arm for a 1 month old baby to love and take care of forever. Is it really a better option to nuke your baby then to give him/her up to another family? Ugh.

 

OH and then there was the mom who hit her son in the head with a hammer and waited until he died A WEEK LATER.  Then the father buried him in the woods. They told everyone he ran away. What is wrong with people?!?!  The father is in jail now, and he told the judge that his wife had been abusing the boy for years, tying him up with rope in the basement. He was 7. So this kid’s whole entire life was a living he!! His entire existence was horrific.  I just…I just don’t understand! WHY?!?!  

 

I’m so sad about this. It breaks my heart. Children aren’t here for stupid people to hurt or throw away. It breaks my heart to hear stuff like this. Praise the Lord I had nice normal parents, ya know?

 

 

 

 

Re Fingerprinted

So today I am mailing in $70.00 to the Dept of Homeland Security to be re-fingerprinted. It takes our office about 4 to 6 weeks to make an appointment for you to come in and have this done, so I’m not expecting to go until January.  Still, I have to admit it’s really annoying that I have to do it at all. I’ve already done it! Your fingerprints don’t change! That is why they keep records of them!  I could clearly see paying $15 or $20 to have some one re-run them, make sure I haven’t committed any crimes in the last 12 months. But I just can not wrap my head around how ridiculous it is that I have to pay the full amount AGAIN and go down there and be fingerprinted again. It’s just stupid. There are no two ways about it. It’s stupid and I resent it.  

 

That’s it on the adoption front. No concrete dates on referrals yet. Maybe tomorrow.  I’m going swimming tonight with Tony. At least, that is the plan now. I enjoy swimming, and now that I’m feeling normal again, it’s really great exercise.  Plus, it’s fun to swim with someone.  Tomorrow I’m having coffee with some single adoption friends. These are women who are in the waiting stage, like me. So it will be fun. We can all moan and groan about the wait and drink lattes. Ooooh ahhhh. I know you are all jealous!  I’m going to try and remember my camera, so I can get pictures of the ladies for Em’s life book.  “what I did while I waited” etc.

 

So that’s it from me.

 

 

 

 

 

My Thanksgiving

My Thanksgiving was really good this year. First off, I had really delicious food and lots of pumpkin pie which is my favorite! Also, I got to spend lots of time with my family, and with my nephew, Colin, who I just love. He is walking now and getting into everything and has a super laugh that makes you just happy inside to hear it. We all fight over who gets to love on him more! It's a lot of fun having him around, it's hard to remember what we did without him. It also makes me happy to know that NEXT YEAR I should absolutely, 100% positive have Emily around with us. WOO HOO!

Also this Thanksgiving was really big because my parents got to meet Tony's parents. Tony's brother invited everyone for dessert Thanksgiving night, so we made the trek to his house to see everyone. Beside meeting Tony's parents, they also got to meet some of his nieces and nephews, one sister and his brother. It was a big day! But it went really well and everyone liked it each other, so I have to say it was a big success! I wasn't too nervous, because I had met everyone already and thought that it would go ok. It was better than that, so I'm really happy.

I also managed to get in some Christmas shopping with my sister and BIL, so that was good. I love Kohl's. Have I ever mentioned how much I love that place? Everything is on sale ALL THE TIME! It's sooo fun. And so dangerous to my pocketbook! But at least I have made some headway into the Christmas shopping maddness, and that is good.

That's about it from me. Rumors are flying that we may see referrals this week, and that would be great. I'd like to see how far they get this time. Of course, I say that every month, but I guess it just gives me a better indication of when it might be my turn. So I'm staying tuned!

Dad, Mom, Me, Tony, Mary Lou, Tony  

Me, Tony and his parents Tony and Mary Lou.  

What I'm Thankful For

Well it's almost Thanksgiving. Since the next few days are going to be a blur for me (and I imagine, for many of you!) I thought I would write my I'm Thankful For post a little early. I have a lot to be thankful for this year.

1) My health! I'm thankful for modern medicine for living in a country that has the best health care available to me. I'm super thankful that I'm feeling better and able to get back to my regular life. It could have been a lot worse, and I know it.
2) My family. I'm always thankful for them, but this year I think I really realized how much I love them.
3) I'm thankful for my job. I like what I do, and who I work for 97% of the time. Some days stink, but most days, I feel pretty good about what I do, and I'm able to live comfortably because of it.
4) I'm thankful that I live in the US of A. Especially as a woman. (Y'all know I would have been stoned to death many years ago if I lived in some other countries!) I have opinions, and a brain, and an education and I'm grateful that I live in a place where I can use all of them freely.
5) I'm grateful for Emily. She isn't actually here yet, but I'm grateful that my heart has made a space for her. Loving her before I know her...that's just cool.

There are lots of other things I'm grateful for, but truthfully I'm getting a little teary eyed, so I think that is enough for now. I'm such a sap!

I wish all of you and a Happy and safe Thanksgiving!! I'm counting down the days till pumpkin pie time. YUM!

So Much Music!

Well, in the words of Shannon  I Tunes thanks you for my purchases.   Y’all had some really great additions to recommend to me, and unfortunately for my pocketbook, I went ahead and bought most of them!! Thank the lord for Itunes gift cards. I have a birthday coming up (HINT HINT) and last year I got some of these cards and they rocked. The hint hint is for my family members…not just random folks reading my blog, (like Jill)   Anyway, right now I am digging on the “Swept Away” song. It is very cool. And I thank all of you for turning me on to some cool musicians I had never heard of.  I’m thinking now that I will burn a cd of all my remind me of Emily songs right before I go to China, so I can put it in the back of her life book. (that’s a scrapbook about the adoption and how Emily and I became a family for you newbies)  That way, when we look at the scrapbook together later on, we can also listen to the music that made me think of her.  Won’t that be nice?

 

Anyways, my weekend recap:  I went to see Happy Feet with Tony. It was cute and it made me want to dance around like a penguin. Ha ha ha. I’m going to totally embarrass Tony here and say that he jumped almost out of his skin when the sea lion was chasing after Mumbles.  It was hysterical. (at least to me) because he is a big guy and he jumped straight up in his seat. HA HA HA    I’m sure he will kill me later for saying this on the world wide web, but dude, it was sooo funny!

 

Other than that, we painted Emily’s bathroom this weekend. The color is Sherwin Williams Banana Cream. My sister has her kitchen painted this color, and I liked it and it looks really good in the bathroom. I need to do a few touch ups tonight, but it looks really clean and bright and YELLOW  and I’m grateful that Tony was around to help. (isn’t he a nice guy?) Next week I’m going to get some new towels and junk for in there, make it all pretty. I’ll take pictures when it’s done, to show you guys.

 

That’s it. Off to start my Monday. It’s a short week. WOO HOO!

 

 

 

Emily's Playlist

I love my ipod. It is so fun. One of the best things is that you can make your own play lists out of the songs you have on there. I’ve made up a play list of songs that remind me of Emily.  (I’ve got nothing but time folks!)  So here are some of the songs that remind me of her, or the adoption. Sometimes music can say stuff that I can’t.

 

• You and Me  Lifehouse
• What a Wonderful World   Louis Armstrong

·        You’ll be in My Heart    Phil Collins   (this is my adoption theme song!)

·        These are the Days    10,000 Maniacs

·        Somewhere Over the Rainbow    Israel Kamakaw   (I think there is more letters in his name, but that is all I’m seeing on my little bity ipod screen)

·        Somewhere Out There  (from the Fivel movie!)

·        Zoe Jane    Staind

·        When Love Takes You In   Steven Curtis Chapman  (have Kleenex handy!)

·        Baby Mine    Michelle Shocked

·        With Arms Wide Open    Creed

·        I’m Amazed    Jim Brickman (Disney songbook)

·        Far Away   Nickleback

·        Merry Christmas    Third Day    This is new, but it’s pretty good, especially this time of year. Actually about China adoptions at Christmas.

 

 

 

So that’s my list. I’m sure that more songs will make it on here over the next few months.  If you all have any suggestions or recommendations, I’d love to hear them. Or if you have your own list, you should post it up! 

 

Have a good Friday!

 

 

 

 

 

Me Vs Blogger Comments

What is going on with Blogger comments these days? I’m finally starting to get caught up on reading all of my favorite blogs, and more than ½ of them, I can’t leave a comment that has my name attached anymore! What I see is the blogger button (and then the anonymous button) but I see no spaces to put my user name and password. I can see that silly jumbly letter box that apparently you need eyes like an eagle, a secret decoder ring, and high government security clearance to figure out. But I can see it. I just can’t put in my name!!   So. It’s making me crazy. I’m TRYING to leave comments, but I’m having to do it anonymously, and some of you don’t allow those kind of comments. (I don’t blame you, I don’t either)  Does anyone know what is up with this?

 

 

 

Adoption Language

Adoption Language
Something I've learned during our adoption process is that there is an appropriate way to talk about adoption. I came across the following excerpt that explains appropriate adoption language. I have found this to be helpful in educating myself and others.
Using accurate adoption language when speaking about adoption is extremely important. Even well meaning family members and friends can inadvertently convey the misconception that adoptive families are less real or permanent, and that a child who was adopted remains somehow different. This can be hurtful and hard to forget by the adoptee or adoptive parents. Here are some points to remember:

As with race or gender, the fact that a person was adopted should be mentioned only if it's essential to the story. If it's used, relevance should be made clear. A daughter, niece, granddaughter, or cousin who joined the family through adoption is -- and should be described as -- simply a daughter, niece, granddaughter, or cousin, not as an "adopted daughter", etc. Once an adoption is final, a child is simply a regular member of the family.

If it is relevant to mention adoption, past tense phrasing is appropriate, such as "Emily was adopted in July 2007" rather than "She is adopted". Adoption is just one of many events in Emily's life, not an immutable personal trait.

Emily's family should be referred to simply as father, mother, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. The man and woman who shared in Emily's conception can be referred to as the birthparents (NOT "real" or "natural" parents).

The reasons that people adopt are rarely relevant. To suggest or say that someone "couldn't have a baby of their own" is inaccurate. Adoption is a choice, and is not second best. Children who join families through adoption are their parents "own" by law and by love. Families are formed by love, not biology.

Words not only convey facts, they also evoke feelings. The way we talk, and the words we choose, say a lot about what we think and value. When we use positive adoption language, we say that adoption is a way to build a family just as birth is. Both are important, but one is not more important than the other.

Please choose positive adoption language instead of the negative talk that helps perpupate the myth that adoption is second best. People who use incorrect terminology should be politely corrected. When we use positive adoption language, we educate others about adoption.

 

 

I shamelessly borrowed this from another blog a few months ago, but now I can’t remember whose blog it was. So I hope they don’t mind. It was important info, and it was well written, so I borrowed it to help educate my friends and family (and any other newbie to the adoption world). I hope that person doesn’t mind.

 

 

YAY!

I feel AWESOME!! It’s like I was never dizzy, or passing out. My medication is finally really working and I am THRILLED.  I went swimming last night. 16 laps in a pool is not a lot, but it’s something I haven’t been able to do in months. Or even think about doing for weeks and weeks.  I’m just so happy right now! I can walk up a flight of stairs and not be out of breath. I can walk from one side of my work building to the other all by myself, without hugging the walls and stopping to rest.  WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!!!!  I’m back! I’m back! 

 

Good health is a miraculous, wonderful thing. I will never take it for granted again. Never. I’m so thankful to feel this way.  It’s been a great week.

 

I’m looking forward to the weekend. I don’t have any major plans, just maybe a movie with Tony tonight at the new movie theater we’ve been wanting to try out for a few months.  oooh ahhh.  :p)  I hope that all of y’all are having a good Friday as well. 

 

11 Months

Today makes 11 months since I was Logged In to the CCAA.   11 months of sitting around waiting, wondering how she is, if she’s born yet, is someone taking care of her. 11 months of thinking about who her biological parents might be, and why they would chose to give her up. 11 months of shopping for baby clothes, bibs, socks, books, dollies, toys, diapers.    The good news is that I’m ready for her to come home!   So…hang in there Emily. I’m thinking about you today and wishing you could be home soon!

 

 

 

 

 

Adoption Chores

 

Hey Guys!

I need help with my New Year’s Resolutions. (I’m planning ahead, aren’t I?)  Here is the deal. I still have a lot of things to do before Emily comes home next year.  The adoption has gone on for sooooo long that I’m starting to lose sight of all the things I need to do. Some of it is little stuff, and some of it is big stuff. Mostly, what I would like to do is get as much of the running around bit done before referral time.  I figured I would make me a chore list, and do one thing a week, starting Jan 1, 2007.  But right now, I want to think of all the things I need to get, or organize before then. So this will be a kill two birds with one stone kind of thing. First, it will help me stay focused on the adoption. Second, it will spread out the expense over weeks and months, rather than doing it all the last few weeks after referral and before I go to China.  SO here is where you help! What things should I add to my list? Here is what I have so far, it’s very rough, and of course, subject to change.   So comment away. What do I need? What DON’T I need?  I’ll reveal the final list in a few weeks, in case anyone else wants to do the same thing with me in January. (I’m sure there are other Dec/Jan LID people out there!)  

 

Adoption Chore/Purchase

1 gallon ziplock bags

travel toilet paper  6 rolls

Infant Tylenol

Infant cough syrup

infant benedryl

hair bands for me

disposable facial cloths

diapers size 3?

Throw away cameras (2)

throw away waterproof camera 1

baby sunscreen

travel kleenex

dirty diaper disposable bags (w ties?)

money belt

Baby bath wash/shampoo

baby wash cloths

bibsters? Or cheapie bibs I could toss

New money in $100.00 bills Safety Deposit Box Travel info cards with important people’s phone numbers. (family, doctor, agency, US consulate)

 

Go Vote!

I’m off to the polls to make a difference. I’m definitely not going to vote for all those idiots who I wrote letters to about getting the 171 extended and they never wrote me back. This includes Sue Myrick and Elizabeth Dole.  Well my dears, you can kiss my grits if you think I’ll vote for you now!   Not even a form letter back? BOOO!! This is what elected officials don’t understand in this country. YOU WORK FOR US.   You should spend some of that bazillion dollars on actually listening to your constituents. Hopefully these morons will get the boot today.  (and yes I know Dole isn’t running right now, I just dislike her so I’m putting it out there how much of an idiot I think she is)

 

 

Meanwhile, YOU should vote as well!!  Voting is important. AND they give you a free sticker. What’s not to love?!?  Besides, you don’t have to agree with me. This is America people!  Vote how you want to vote. Just go vote!!!  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here I am!

 

Well I’m slowly getting back into the swing of things. I’m back at work this week so that is good news. And I’m feeling a LOT better. I think we got my medication all straightened out, so I’m only going to get better and better from here on out. I’m so grateful to be feeling better. I have so much more sympathy now for someone who has to live with something that is a major illness or disease. This has not been a lot of fun, and anyone who deals with health issues every day has a lot more of my respect now.

 

The big news today is that the CCAA (Chinese Center of Adoptive Affairs) updated their website this morning. Referrals have been matched through Aug 25, 2005.  Congrats especially to The Shanahans  who will see Baby S today and to Lindsey who will finally see her little sister today!  I’ve been following along with these cool bloggy friends for awhile, so I will definitely be living vicariously through them for the next week or so!

 

Here is how I feel about the referral news this time: they did 15 days.  I know everyone is excited about this, because it is a lot of days and more than we thought they were going to do. But it still is going to take them 3 months to get through all of August, and everyone thinks that August was a “light” month as far as the number of people that were logged in.  So if August was a light month and took 3 months to get through, and Oct and Nov are heavy months then I think it will take AT LEAST 3 months to get through each of them, probably 4 months each.

Plus we have this interesting news from my agency director this week.

Background on what's happening:  The China Center of Adoption Affairs (CCAA) handles matching you with your child.  Each month, paperwork for children who are due to be referred is sent into the matching room.  They can handle up to 1500 referrals in one month depending on the number of children who are available for referral.  They take the requisite number of dossiers into the matching room based on your log in date.  When the available children have been placed, then they "cut off" the dossiers at that point and those families are matched the following month.  So the wait is based both on the number of children available and the number of dossiers logged in during a month.  In addition, CCAA has capped the possible number of referrals that they can do at 1500.

 

So you do the math. Or better yet, I’ll do it for you

Log in Month                    Receive Referral

End of Aug 2005                 Nov 2006

September (middle)            Dec 2006

Sept (end)                            Jan 2007

Oct (start)                            Feb 2007

Oct (middle)                        March 2007

Oct (late middle)                 April 2007

Oct (end)                             May 2007

Nov                                      Jun, Jul, Aug, Sept 07

Dec 2005                             Oct, Nov 07

 

So here is reality as I know it.  People with my Log In Date  could possibly wait another year for a referral. My agency isn’t telling me this. No one else is saying this. I’m just laying out the possibility that if things continue as they have been, then it is a possibility it would take that long. Which frankly I don’t think CCAA would do. What I’m hoping is that they come to their senses and either do/allow more than 1500 matches a month, or that my agency is just wrong to start with and there never was a cap at all. Because I can’t imagine waiting another whole year.   So right now, I’m keeping my fingers crossed that my math is wrong, and that I will get a referral in June or July. That will be 18 months and really is way more than anybody should have to wait.

 

I know I seem bitter about all this. Oddly enough, I’m really not. I think I just need to lay down all the possibilities because it makes me feel better to know all of the possible outcomes. If there is a chance, however remote, that I’ll have to wait another year, then I want to know now, so I can prepare myself for it.  I CAN wait another year, but I really don’t want to. I’m tired of waiting already!!