UGH

I have a sinus infection that is trying to become bronchitis. It doesn’t seem fair, since I had food poisoning just LAST WEEK. But enough moaning and groaning. I got a prescription for codeine laced cough syrup. Let the good times roll!!

 

 

Weird or Not Weird?

I have lately noticed that I seem to have a morbid interest in the news. Local news I mean. When I first moved to Charlotte, I always listened to the traffic reports, because they helped me navigate around town. Sometime in the past few years it has changed from just where is that street again? To Oh my gosh, that’s where so and so works! I wonder if that accident was them! Now it’s like I can’t listen to the local news, traffic accidents, house fires, murders, bizzarro incidents, without immediately wondering if the tragedy has happened to someone I know. Does anyone else do this or am I completely nuts?  For example, yesterday, I’m reading the Charlotte Observer online. The headline that caught my eye?  “SC Woman Dies of Stings From Fire Ants”   Oh my gosh! I know women in South Carolina!! So I have to check it out to be sure that the poor woman who died (allergic reaction) wasn’t someone I know!   I think I’m a freak. There is no other word to describe it.   Does anyone else do this/think this? Or am I alone in my freakishness??  

 

 

In other news.  Work is making me crazy. I haven’t been this busy since college days. I’m glad to be employed and I do like what I do a LOT, but here lately I just feel a little swamped. I keep hoping it’s going to get better. And it will. EVENTUALLY.  I have faith. Because it either it gets better, or I’ll be bald from pulling my hair out. I don’t really want to be bald. So I’m going with it will get better. 

 

And no, none of you missed the boat. I do have a boyfriend, and the picture from the other day was his Blog Debut as Shannon put it.  His name is Tony. I met him in April through a mutual friend. He is a very nice guy, and we laugh a lot together. He has a great laugh. He snorts when he really gets going, and I think it’s cute.  So I think he is pretty dreamy and I’m enjoying the time we spend together.  He knows all about the adoption and is very supportive, so that means a whole lot as well.   Every once in a while he checks out my blog, so every one say hi to Tony!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All of us before the big game in our Red Sox gear! Tony (my boyfriend), me, Dad, Erin (my sister) Kevin, (her husband) and of course, my nephew!  

Why I Chose to Adopt

First off, thanks for all your well wishes. I'm feeling much more like a normal human being now. The last few days were pretty unpleasant, and I hope to never repeat them!! It's a tough way to lose a few pounds, let me tell ya!! ;-)


Secondly, when I asked for questions last week, a lot of you wanted to know why I chose to adopt (especially as a singleton) I've been thinking about adopting for so long now, that it's almost hard to remember how I got here. But I'll try.

Like many of you, I saw a special on PBS or National Geographic or one of those stations a few years ago. The story was the lost girls in China story. They showed babies left in the street. They talked about how Chinese families were only allowed one baby. I remember being ... I think mortified is a good word. Like who would leave a baby in a street?!?! I didn't really GET that many of these women(families) have no choice but to leave their child in a street and hope that he/she gets found quickly. But the special haunted me. I kept thinking about it. Like why? Why does this happen? Why don't they have a choice? Why? (I ask that a lot!) Not too long after I saw the show, I went to my high school reunion. I got talking to an old friend, and she went on and on about her new neice, who her singleton sister had adopted from Kazakstan. (I'm SURE that I'm spelling that wrong, so bear with me) At the time, I was pretty ignorant. I didn't know you could do that. I didn't know single women actually adopted. I also thought her child was from China, because I saw the picture and the kid was Asian. (see how dumb I was back then?) So... I started mulling it over. Maybe I could have a baby. By myself. From China. I mean, they NEED Mommies, right? I like kids. In fact, I'm pretty great with kids. I always wanted to be a Mom. So I mulled. And then I read. The internet is a big source of info and I went to bookstores and got the books on international adoption, and those adoption magazines. (there is probably a butt print of mine still on the floor of Boarders!) I started talking to my friends that have kids. Like, how tired are you REALLY every day? is it worth it? Do you really love being a Mom? Could I do this on my own? And then I talked to God. And I got a good feeling. A sort of, hey you're finally listening to me feeling. (have you ever had that? its strange, but really cool) But I had things to think about still. Should I wait until I was older? But then it was why wait? Did I want to be 40 and wish I had had a baby? It would be much harder then! But I definitely did not want to be pregnant by myself. That seems like a lot of scariness/uncomfortableness to handle on my own. But I could take care of a baby. In fact, a baby would be pretty great. Being a Mom would be really great! Hard, but great. I would be a good Mom. I had a great Mom, so I know how that looks. I have a good family, who would love to have a neice/granddaughter. I'm a fully capable, functioning adult. I have a job, a house, a car. Plus, I dance in the kitchen. What kid wouldn't love that? And then one day, out of the blue, I just knew that THIS was what I was going to do. It was like, hey dummy, YOUR baby is in China! Go get her! What are you waiting for? So, it took awhile for me to get there, but once I really let myself believe I could handle being a single parent, it was full steam ahead for me. Now, Emily is a real live soul to me. It's hard to imagine a world or my future without her in it. I think about her a lot. I think about her birthparents a lot. I hope they are laughers. I hope they know that I really thought this all through. I tried to think about everything. I'm not halfway doing this. I'm 100% in it. I'm 100% dedicated to loving this child. 100% involved in her life and her happiness.

I've had a couple people (ok TONS) ask me, well what are you going to do if you meet someone? Like a Mister Right someone? And my answer has been the same since the begining. If he is MY Mister Right, it shouldn't matter at all, should it? I mean, why would I want to be with someone who didn't want to be with both of us? Don't get me wrong, raising a child would be much easier and probably better for her if she had a Dad. But you can't exactly shop for a husband/father the way you can shop for say, shoes. I mean, its fun to LOOK, but the purchase is a lot more final. (no returns, refunds or exchanges on hubbies!) So, if I meet a great someone, who really digs me, and digs Emily, and who I think is the bees knees, than that is awesome! And if I don't, then that's pretty fine too, because I'll still get to be a mom, and that is what I really want.

So that's my story. Not as earth shattering as some. Not as traumatic as others. It's just what I have to do to get my baby home. So now you know, and maybe one day, Emily will read this, and she will know. I mean, I'm going to tell her a bazillion times how much I wanted to have her, but still, one more time won't kill her!

Baseball Games, Food Poisoning and Other Fun Things!

This weekend my family and I went down to Atlanta to see the Braves play the Boston Red Sox. We (OF COURSE) are Red Sox fans. My Dad threatened to disown my sister and I if he ever caught us rooting for another team. i think I was about 7 when he first started telling us that. Way to brainwash!! hee hee hee Anyway, it was a happy Father's Day gift to him and to my brother in law. So we rented a Durango and all of us headed off from Charlotte to Atlanta. The game was great, the Red Sox won, and we had a blast. I even got up and danced at the game. It was really fun!

We got home Sunday afternoon. I picked up Rascal and took a nap. I didn't start feeling yucky until about 8pm. By 11 I thought my insides were going to explode and by midnight the projectile vomiting had started. I have never in my life felt that bad. I was actually asking God to just go ahead and kill me, or at the very least let me pass out from the pain. Have you ever felt that bad? I spent a good part of the night on the bathroom floor, becasue seriously, my bed was too far away to keep running back and forth to the toilet from. The bed is about 5 feet away. I spent most of yesterday in bed, and most of today in bed too. But I'm not violently ill any more. I'm really REALLY tired. And I lost about 6 pounds in 18 hours. But the sickness part has stopped. I called my Mom yesterday morning early, with the silly idea that she could come take care of me, only to have my Dad say she was throwing up too. My sister didn't get it until yesterday afternoon. Poor pitiful us. You know what really stinks? None of the boys got it! Only the girls!! It must have been something we ate, but we are too tired to figure out what it was. The good news is that i'll live.
The other good news is that it seems like this might be a referral week. Pictures of families seeing their little ones for the first time will certainly cheer me up. Hope everyone else is feeling good and having a good day. I'm going back to bed. Must nap.

YAY! People Like Me!

I’m so excited that people actually responded to my quest for questions! I felt sort of like a dork yesterday doing that, so I’m really pleased that I’m not out here all alone, looking like a dope.  So YAY Bloggy Friends!  You did good!

 

You guys asked a wide variety of questions and since I have nothing but time these days, I figured I’ll just tackle them one at a time. Gives me some time to think.

 

First to Mary-Mia who asked me to tell a cute pet story: a story of the first day I got Rascal, my black lab. Firstly, I was not planning on getting a dog. I love dogs, and I’m definitely a dog person, but I had just bought my house a few months before, I was only 24 and I really hadn’t thought about getting a pet.  My good friend Vittoria was living with me at the time, but she was about to leave (within days really) to move to Italy. Vittoria thought it would be a good idea to get her boyfriend at the time (henceforth called Mean Jerk) a dog. He wanted a lab and she thought it would be a good way for him to remember her. So we went to Pet Smart, because on the weekends they have the humane society come in with all the puppies and the kitties.  Rascal was the last black lab left. He was so cute and small and wiggly! I fell in love with him right from the beginning, before we even got home.  It turns out that Mean Jerk wanted a CHOCOLATE lab. What a dope. And he wanted a pure bred, and he wanted Vittoria to take this little guy back to the pound. He really was a jerk. (sorry Vitt, but he was) So I said I would keep him. Because he was just SO cute!   So the very first night he stayed with me, I had no crate for him, and no bowls or anything. So I just let him sleep on the floor in my bedroom.   Now here is the cute part, so pay attention. I have a full length mirror in my room. Rascal was checking things out and he sniffed his way over to the mirror. He looked up and OH Goodness, there is another dog here! So he barked BARK BARK BARK. And the little doggie in the mirror went BARK BARK BARK and then Rascal took off and hid under my bed! He was scared of his own reflection! It was so cute. He wouldn’t come out for love or money (or a doggie treat!) for a good 20-30 mins. And that is when I learned my doggie was part Lab, part Chicken. Hee hee

 

So now you know something new about me.

 

Mary Mia, I promise to bombard you with comments from now on. You do have a great site and I read it all the time.

 

 

 

 

Still Here

I’m still here. Still waiting. Still wondering when I might get to see my cutie pie Emily’s little face.  The wait really isn’t bothering me today, I think I’m just out of stuff to talk about. I mean, waiting is only so interesting to write about, right?   I have been keeping myself busy. I changed the locks on the doors. I got a new bed frame for my guest room. (Before, the mattress was just on the floor) I got those doohickeys that you put under the bed frame that lift it up higher off the floor. Do you know what I’m talking about? That way you have more space under your bed to store stuff? So those are going up tonight. I even got space saver bags, so I can vacuum seal my winter clothes, store them under the spacious guest bed and wa-lah, have more closet space. This is all good stuff.  But it’s pretty boring to read about.  Hopefully, we will see some referrals next week and I can write about those.  :-)

 

OR, I just had a fabulous idea. We can do a Q & A! You ask me those burning questions you always wanted to know, and then I’ll answer them. But don’t ask anything, you know, icky.  Be polite. Ask things that you would only ask some old lady in church. I think that is a good rule to go by.   (good grief, what if no one asks me a question? Someone, please ask at least 1 question!!)  

 

Happy 6 Months!

First off, thanks for all the support guys! You are the best bloggy people I’ve never met. J  hee hee  I hate the feeling that I’m complaining too much, but you all are very understanding about how frustrating this whole adoption roller coaster is. Of course, you are almost all passengers on the same roller coaster as me, so its easier to hear me scream, since sometimes I’m drowning out your screams, right? Ha ha ha

 

Secondly, today I’ve been logged in officially for 6 months. WOO HOO! At the very least I can say that I have survived these 6 months. Really, it hasn’t been too horrible. Yes, I’ve whined. Yes, I have lamented about the wait. But the truth is I may have made it half way. So today, I am in a good mood. 6 months down, possibly only 6 months left until I get to see Emily’s face for the first time. When you think about it like that, it’s not too bad!

 

In other news, I finally bought new locks and door knobs for my front door. And I managed to install the door knob last night all by myself. Who cares that my brother in law told me a monkey could do this? The fact is that I, SHANNON, did it and it actually works and junk. Plus, I got to use my cordless drill/screwdriver, and that was way cool. Vroooom vroom.  Tonight I tackle the dead bolt. Wish me luck!! After that, I have other house hold projects to tackle. One at a time, but I’d like to start getting stuff done. Emily will be here before you know it!

 

 

 

 

 

Color Me Confused

I am so confused and frustrated right now. I called my agency today. I had to ask them some questions about my home study. Basically, I want to sell my house and move to SC. And I wanted to know what the deal was, since I have to wait forever until Emily comes home. And she was like, what do you mean? And I said, well I’m expecting to go to China next April/May time frame. And she said, but you should have your referral in December. WHAT?!?!  I said you are still expecting my referral in December? And she said YES. We haven’t heard anything differently, they are at 12 months now and CCAA doesn’t WANT to go over 12 months. A few years ago they got up to 16 months and they didn’t like that, so they won’t want to go over 12 months again. She also said that it was “ the shortage of babies that is causing a back log”  I have to say I didn’t handle this well. I think she is being ridiculously naïve and optimistic, and not to my benefit. I said why does every other agency on the internet think the wait is going to be 14 to 18 months and you don’t? And she said well they’re wrong. WHAT?  According to her, the wait is right at 12 months and its going to stay there.    Further to this, she said she was telling new clients the wait was going to be 12 to 14 months, and that they could try Vietnam, but that it wasn’t fully operational yet (at my agency) but probably once it was, it would cause a back log there as well because everyone is switching to Vietnam. She said they were hardly getting any new parents that wanted to go to China now.  And then she had the gall to say there are only 5 groups in front of me, and they should match 1 group a month. I felt like screaming at her. I didn’t, but I really wanted to. The internet is a blessing and a curse. I know everything that is going on. But since I know everything that is going on, why doesn’t she?!?!

Why aren’t all the agencies getting the same memos? How come not even a month ago she herself sent an email saying 14 months until referral and now she is telling me 12 months?  What the heck!?!?!

 

I don’t know what to think right now. I have a headache and a knot in my stomach about this. I’m afraid to believe this woman. But what if she’s right? I have totally TOTALLY stopped working on Emily’s nursery. I’ve stopped buying books and cutie clothes because it is too much (emotionally draining) to keep buying things for a child it feels like I will never have!  And now this woman, with a perfectly calm voice says I’ll get her picture in Dec, a good 4 months before I’ve let myself expect it? What to do?!  If I believe her and I don’t get her referral in Dec I’m going to be crushed. I mean it. I’ve resigned myself to Christmas without a child. And now she is telling me, oh ya sure you will have a photo of your child by then. WHAT?!   And here’s the kicker. She was like, well we will know for sure in a few months. Well no shit lady. I will know for sure with or without your dumbass getting my hopes up. 

 

You know what I want? I want to take some kind of summer hibernation shot. Wake me when its October, let me check out where CCAA is in the matching process and let me go from there.   Ugh. I’m so upset/frustrated/anxious/confused I want to throw up.   I didn’t sign up to be made into a nutcase. I agreed to some uncertainty, but not this never ending back and forth, we don’t know jack, yes we do, no we don’t, kind of uncertainty.   This SUCKS.

 

 

 

The Waiting Game

Kind of like the Crying Game, only without the scary transvestite. HA HA HA HA HA

 

Seriously though, this waiting and waiting, and waiting some more is like a big game of Sorry. Sometimes I feel like I’m doing ok, and other times I feel like someone whacked me over the head and told me to start over.  The rumors are everywhere lately. Of biggest concern to me (other than the wait) is the other weight. The you might weigh too much to get a baby,  weight. Everyone and their brother is saying that China might enforce a weight restriction, not unlike what they currently do in Korea. I am NOT trying to stir up trouble here. I’m just reporting the rumors.  I guess the concern is, how overweight is TOO overweight to get a baby? I could stand to lose 25lbs. Do I need to join Weight Watchers again? Probably. Should I go to the gym more? Definitely. Should I lay off the “I’m eating candy because I’m depressed about the wait”  SURE. But then, chocolate has really helped! Honestly, it has.  So I’m going to try and not freak out about the 25lbs. I mean, if push came to shove, and it was lose the weight or lose Emily, nary a bit of chocolate would cross my lips forever and ever amen. But I really hope it doesn’t come to that. I LIKE chocolate. I just like Emily a lot more.    The upside of this is that I have like a YEAR to get in shape. Ha ha ha. And China should be posting the new wait times and weight restrictions, if any, sometime soon. And then we’ll go from there. Meanwhile, I think I will drink a bottle of water (Good Shannon) and eat a chocolate peanut butter cup (bad Shannon!)

 

And for those of you wondering, I know NOTHING official about the weight restrictions. I’m just speculating based on rumors. That’s it.